Maggie Beans

Grandma can make a cigarette last longer than anybody.


Full legal name: Margaret Mayworth Beans
Nickname(s): Maggie, Grandma Beans
Caste/Aspect: Smoker
Age: 103
Ethnicity: No one can tell anymore, but white
Height: 4’10"
Weight: 90 lbs
Hair: White, short, curly
Eyes: Brown, behind thick glasses
Appearance score: 2 for her age
Anima banner: An utter fog of cigarette smoke wherever she goes


Maggie Beans is old. Not old, REAL old, and she’s so small, she’d probably be hard to find if it weren’t for the cloud of smoke that marks her location wherever she goes. She can hardly see and hardly walk, only recently finally pressed into using a bright red walker rather than leaning on everything (and everyone) in her path. Supposedly in her day she was pretty decent-looking. She wears sweaters from the days where she used to get cold easily; now she alternately claims to no longer be able to sense temperature, and that it’s too hot out.


No one has ever seen Grandma Beans without a cigarette. No one has ever seen Grandma Beans without an attitude, at least while conscious. Maggie has a habit of falling asleep at least once or twice a week on park benches with a cigarette in her hand. It is considered good courtesy to put it out for her, which the police often do, and to check and make sure she’s alive if she hasn’t moved in a while. In her sleep, and in the haze of half-consciousness she is often in, Grandma Beans has a tendency to mutter things such as, “Damn sapes,” “Damn birds,” “You damn kids,” “Damn police,” and “Where am I? Damn it. Where’s my cigarette?” …Yes, even when it’s still lit and in her hand.

Maggie remembers when things were different, better. She often ‘remembers’ things that are before her time, or simply didn’t happen, but there’s no point in trying to correct her; that’s disrespectful of you. For her part, Maggie says whatever she feels like, and has a filthy rotten mouth with a voice that sounds like she’s dying over and over and over again. It’s obviously only the cigarettes keeping her alive.

In places where she is not permitted to smoke, Maggie either ‘forgets’ every single time, forgets every single time, smokes two e-cigarettes at the same time and complains, or decides it’s not worth going there.


Grandma Beans was born and raised in Thunder City, and with all likelihood will die here as well. She worked as a waitress for many years, had a brief career as a professional gambler and poker player, and then spent 60 years working at pawn shops and odd places.

It’s only within the last decade or so of her life that she’s become a point of interest for Thunder City, being its oldest non-neosapien woman in residence. In a given week, she spends at least five days out at Five Points Park, chain smoking all day. This has earned her a kind of undeserved celebrity status among the frequent park-goers. One running gag is that Maggie Beans is, in fact, a sape whose only power is smoking, and smoke-related powers. Once when interviewed by WMFB News Channel 16 and teased about this joke, Maggie looked the reporter dead in the eye and said, “I can make a cigarette last longer than anybody.” The reporter laughed. Maggie did not, and blew smoke at her.

Character Relationships/Connections

Grandma Beans has family, but they’ve given up on trying to control her or even move her into a nursing home. She used to take the bus to the park every day, but because she refused to stop smoking while on the bus, her granddaughter is renting a first-floor apartment for her nearby, allowing her and her walker to make it to the park whenever she damn well pleases.

Grandma Beans doesn’t cultivate friendships with anyone or anything; whatever it is, it’s too much trouble.

Fog, smoke, or Grandma Beans?

Maggie Beans

Small Change HakCat